Ned traveled up north this past weekend to visit his long-lost son. Ned and his wife enjoyed the long ride, only feeling the urge to strangle each other four or five times the whole way there and back. "It's only eight or nine hours each way," Ned said. You know how a confined space on wheels with one's significant other can be, especially when the purpose for your travel arrangements is to see the biological product of only one of you. Anyhoo, the visit went fairly well. Ned and his son had a fantastic time. Ned's wife only felt just slightly ignored. Ned and his wife stayed in a chain motel, which was basic but clean. Ned's wife pulled a disinfectant wipe cannister from their suitcase and proceeded to wipe down every possible surface, then sat to remove her shoes. The night was uneventful, the sheets were clean, they had no sex, and they didn't fight. The next morning they showered, Ned managing to rub one out while his wife took her turn, packed everything up, and checked out. Before leaving Ned had to take a shit, and when he sat he made a mental note of the low slung, shallow design of the toilet. After creating waves and splashes in the bowl he thought to himself "I'm so glad I don't have a large penis. I'm almost touching the bowl as it is, and I can't even imaging being hung like a bull and trying to take a shit without tapping against the porcelain."
It was good to see his son, and Ned's wife bit her tongue and made nice the best she could, thankful once again that she never cared to have children of her own. She pretended she didn't see the wad of bills Ned stuffed into his son's greedy paw or hear the son's whispered "bitch" comments. The return trip home was bland and uneventful, and they returned, physically drained but happy that another day had passed where one of them didn't try to kill the other.
ugh. sounds horrible; a bad relationship and a lazy ass son.
ReplyDeleteJust remember- liberties may be taken here.
DeleteThat doesn't really sounds like a 'happy' relationship.
ReplyDeleteHappy? What's happy?
DeleteSometimes you can Love all the Wrong people... and it's not always with any reciprocity. The Son situation is complex, given the dynamics of it... and Loving one's Child is perfectly Natural tho' regardless of how said Child happens to turn out. The Son and The Wife not getting along is also perhaps due to the uncomfortable dynamics of that whole thing and the resentment, both ways, of not having acceptance or any bond whatsoever that is Mindful of the other person's Pain. As for the Toilet... I once used a restroom that seemed to have those miniature Thrones, just slightly larger than the ones used in Day Care for the very Small Children... it was awkward and a mystery as to why it was so much smaller than an average Commode? As a Senior, getting up from any low seating is and can be a challenge. Would have been awful to have to yell for Help up! *Bwahahahaha*
ReplyDeleteSon...Wife...Resentment...
DeleteI think Ned and Mrs. Ned need to take a break.
ReplyDeleteI hear you there, Mr. Shife.
DeleteSee, I don't see this as a horrible relationship. I see this as common. People, in a rut, forced into tough situations, making the best of it. It's life. It happens. NOt every blend of families is happy, or ideal, or hanging round the campfire. I am lucky, I adore my stepson and he has confessed he's hit the jackpot with two moms, a great dad, and extra grandparents. I like my husband's exwife, and respect that while we are VERY different, we are both excellent Moms. But it hasn't always been easy.
ReplyDeleteThe story is very well written... and seriously, if Ned's junk had hit the porcelain or worse, the water, he'd be in for the deep freeze of his life.
In reality my son- though still a cocky m.f., somewhat gets along with my wife now, praise the lord. Thanks for the comment about my tale, too!
DeleteWell, I guess Ned's a 'grower' not a 'shower'. lol I'm so thankful to have never been in this type of relationship. It's good writing and I hope a genuine piece of fiction.
ReplyDeleteMostly fiction, Darla, mostly fiction. Yep, this guy's not a shower, and as I age not always a grower I'm afraid to admit. Sorry for the TMI.
DeleteWell, getting older can be a pain. :) At least we're still here. And no worries. You make me ever more thankful for my husband and our rather innocuous upbringing. Best wishes to you and yours.
ReplyDeleteWell, I'm surely glad I make you thankful. I certainly have enough humdrum memories to counter some of the more exciting bits, but that's boring stuff. Thank you!
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