Friday, February 26, 2021

Hindsight

 


I used to find it fucking funny to lock my siblings in the basement.  I had to babysit five younger brothers and sisters growing up.  "Preteen" and "Responsible" aren't two words you'd frequently find together. I probably should've still had a babysitter myself.  Mom naively thought I was mature and responsible at the time.  Our cellar was a hoarder's dream, smelled like cat shit, cat piss & dead cat, and had too many windows.  I hated going down there myself at night, especially with all those windows.  Gave me the creeps.  Between the windows and the shadows behind the old oil-fired, moving van-sized furnace it always felt like I was being watched. I think that's why I got such a thrill out of locking them down there.  Years later I often fantasized about luring my father down there (all it would've taken is a bottle of booze or my aunt), violating him till he bled out with a nail-studded baseball bat I made as a teen and burying him under all that shit.  Might've made up just a little for all the beatings and for his role in my mother's death (just my opinion).  Ah, hindsight...

10 comments:

  1. "Cat shit, cat piss, and dead cat..." LOL!!!

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  2. Yeah, though I make up some shit, that part's total truth, Tom.

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  3. I used to lock my siblings in the closet when I was forced to be the responsible one.

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    1. Hmm, I suppose a closet would be as effective. Too bad they were all as overstuffed as the basement was.

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  4. Ah dang, sounds like we had similar fathers. It was just me and my little brother when we were growing up. I was pretty much his mother since my parents were too drunk to take care of us.

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  5. Hmm, knowing my father I wouldn't be surprised if they were one and the same! In my case he was the psycho drunk and poor mom was just too scared to do anything.

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  6. I wasn't always Kind to my Younger Brother but he turned out okay anyway and we're close, so apparently he doesn't blame me for any PTSD he might have of Childhood? *LOL* Thankfully we had good Parents even tho' Mom suffered from Serious Mental Illness, so she could be a Trip sometimes... I remember actually LIKING that she was so outrageously different than the Stepford Wife Moms of that Era... Mom was more like a Gypsy Carmen Miranda on Steroids and her fav line was better to be looked over than overlooked... I still miss her terribly. Dad was a Stoic Native American who had a horrible Life on the Rez growing up and yet made ours as wonderful as he possibly could. He was the one that warned my Brother and I to steer away from the Fire Water as his people don't handle that shit well at all... that's not a stereotype, it's Truth.

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  7. I was one of eight originally, and believe I'm one of only a few who "turned out okay", which is a miracle considering the depression, addiction and suicide that haunts my family going back quite a ways.

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  8. I see we felt similarly about our F of O's. I'd like to stash the broken, bleeding carcasses of my parents in this basement of yours; and I'd petition to do so if they weren't already dead. So your Basement of Retribution is less two utter wastes of human skin, while I am left with a permanent and prominently marked place in a lovely garden setting to take an alfresco piss.

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  9. My shoulders keep creeping up around my neck. Why some folks have children is a constant mystery.

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