Friday, May 21, 2021

Down in the Dark

Wow.  I dug this one out of an old writing folder.  Apparently I wrote it at a bleak time.  I don't remember writing this, honestly.  Not sure what was going on at the time.  It's only about a one minute read. Have a nice weekend.

 I don’t like feel-good.  Feel-good makes me want to cry (out) or, worse, hit somebody.  Far as I’m concerned feel-good is for pussies and losers.  Day after day I’m drilled with goofy, sappy shit about positivity and goodness.  At school, at home, at work- everywhere I look there’s happy sunshine shit being spooned over me like chocolate syrup and I’m an ice cream sundae. 

     If I want something that makes me feel good I’ll create it or surround myself with it.  If I woke up every day and felt “Gee, today I want to be happy,” I’d make myself do it.  What I want is to be left alone.  What I want is to be allowed to feel what I want to feel, not what everybody seems to want to make me feel. 

     This is why, I’ve decided, I don’t much care for people in general.  I was brought up force-fed with feel-good shit day after day after day, and I’ve about had enough.  There’s enough of that in the world-most of which is fake, by the way- to last several lifetimes.  When I get to work everyone is all “Hey, how was your weekend?” and “Well good morning there, sunshine” and it makes me almost want to puke.  It’s as if everyone is medicated, under the influence of any of the overabundance of “happy” pills that are prescribed much too readily. 

     In my world, misery reigns.  In my world sadness, hatred and mistrust are the ruling emotions.  Are these even emotions?  States of mind, more likely.  Oh, imagine if the world was the way I want it to be.  Everyone walked around frowning and miserable.  No one said “hi” to anyone.  They didn’t give each other the time of day.  Imagine that, if you can. 

     Happy makes me sick.  Happy makes me want to throw up.  Happy causes more problems than anything else.  Happy is fake, and is the root of most evil.  Next time one of your co-workers says something frothy and superficial to you try this:  Stare at them, as if they just turned into a leprechaun or something.  Shake your head, maybe even roll your eyes, then just walk away.  Don’t respond verbally. 

     Make them think twice next time, it should.   

17 comments:

  1. "What I want is to be allowed to feel what I want to feel, not what everybody seems to want to make me feel." - THIS!

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  2. I know from experience that a lot of people put on a happy face and say things like that because they're expected to from society. "How are you today?" is my fall back when I can't think of anything else to say. I don't want to be asked what's wrong because I'm not smiling so it's just easier to put on a fake smile and go about my day.

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    1. Yeah, I kind of know what you're saying, Mary. I do what I need to to play nice when I have to.

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  3. I admit turning into a person who likes to try and brighten a person's day with a simple act or word. But I've always despised those that tell others to smile or cheer up. Ugh... My high school boyfriend once dragged me to a party and I abandoned him there after such an incident.

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    1. Oh, I've changed from this over the years, Darla, but not quite to the point of becoming what I once despised. I try to at least keep it friendly-ish. I probably wouldn't have blamed you for abandoning that guy if he put you in that situation.

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    2. Funny enough that same guy repeated the mistake with one fatal flaw. His 'friend' brought another disinterested soul who has since become my husband. We've been together since 1989. :) Introverts unite!

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  4. I definitely have moments like this. I will go through the motions of exchanging pleasantries with others but wonder "Why? What is the point? Neither of us really care."

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    1. My Granddaughter actually said that once to a chronic complainer at our Antique Mall, she used to waylay people to tell them her most current complaints. The Grandchild, who was about 7 at the time just didn't even slow down and simply said, "We don't care...", I wanted to high five the Child! *Bwahahahaha*

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  5. Funny you say that. My wife says nowadays that most people only use "How are you?" as an opening to tell you all about themselves with little or no care or concern for you, and generally don't really care. Good God, I think she's been around me too long!

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    1. Either that... or she's Right, which honestly, I think she is.

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  6. I like that you didn't/don't like "feel good" or "be happy" or any of that other bs. It's annoying af.

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    1. Even when it comes to what we watch on Netflix my wife scoffs at my tastes. She likes feel-good/happy ending stuff, I prefer gritty, dark and disquieting in general.

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  7. Wow, you were grouchy that day. I remember a period of time where I agreed with most of what you wrote. But that was a while ago, now. Apparently you got it out of your system if you don't remember writing it.

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    1. As I look through this folder for things I can polish and turn into something worthy of submitting I realize that a lot was penned during dark times. Bad/no relationships, divorce/custody battles, heavier than I care to admit drinking, etc. apparently fueled this kind of shit.

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  8. It's worse when someone is shallow and by rote asks someone how they are and really don't Care, want nor expect an Honest answer, because even if you were to say something shockingly negative... they wouldn't even be listening. Too many people aren't having a day full of Unicorn Farts, Rainbows and Buttercups and it's Okay to Feel what they just Feel! That said, Feelings are fickle, I can run the gamut of Feelings in a single Day. This Post seemed to be during a time you were Going Through... and so those who couldn't land their Balloon were just an irritant... I've had days like that! *LOL*

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  9. Love the "Unicorn Farts, Rainbows and Buttercups". I read of someone recently who said instead of saying something like "Have a nice day", he simply says "Have the kind of day you deserve". That way, everyone's covered.

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