So while wiping my butt the other day (oh, come on, don't get all "ewww!" Butt wiping is no more disgusting than thoughts about drugging your soon-to-be-ex's pillar-of-the-community father, stripping him naked and photographing him in compromising positions with dolls, small woodland critters or what have you and then blackmailing him. We all have them, right?) So anyway, I'm standing there, wiping my butt and I looked in the oversized vanity mirror that, unfortunately, faces the toilet, thinking about how my navel resembles a big frown. Over the past several years my wife has managed to get me to shed 50-70 pounds, and what used to be a normal bellybutton is now all saggy and droopy. Sure, I could work out to get rid of all that extra flesh that once contained bulbous rolls of fat, but I'm not the workout type. So here you have it. Stare at it in wonder or look away, disgusted.
In a brief bout of whim I added the eyes. Thankfully, the bout passed quickly.
OMFG, what a way to start my thursday morning! and you have fur; I like a furry guy!
ReplyDeleteThanks, anne marie for not being grossed out. My wife is always making fun of said fur, especially the swirly forest on my lower back.
DeleteHmmm. Well isn't that special.
ReplyDeletehe said, in his best Church Lady twang...
DeleteHello, recent "Steve" visitor! I view and approve! Really like your sense of humor, but what captured my heart was your mournful gut. It looks kind of like Comic Book Guy all bummed out because he misplaced his Frank Frazetta signed copy of 'John Carter And The Savage Apes Of Mars'.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Steve. Should I be ashamed that I had to research Comic Book Guy and Frank Frazetta? Actually, I was somewhat familiar with Frank Frazetta's artwork, and your comment got me digging way too deep and now I'm late for my work.
DeleteWell, this puts my cannonball tree story to shame alright.
ReplyDeleteWell, um, thanks, but I think your cannonball tree story is much more exciting.
DeleteMy stomach never gets as tight as I would like it. I lost 25 pounds a few years ago but it never went back to normal. It isn't sad like yours :), but it would need a tummy tuck.
ReplyDeleteThough it's sad my wife tells me there's a sixpack under there. Somewhere. Bless her...
DeleteI applaud you for being able to lose that weight. Now you just have a "vag-omach." :-)
ReplyDeleteAnd there you have it, folks- that's your word of the day. Thanks, Tom!
DeleteHairy guys are hot. You know you can take all the hair that falls off during a bath over time and fashion it into a doll. They actually have books on Amazon on how to take cat hair and make stuff from it. I'm sure you could do the same with human body hair. Just sayin'.
ReplyDeleteWell, there you go, a new project. Oh, it seems I like commas, too. Heh...
DeleteHmmm, what a great idea!
Delete